


What Happened

by foolsthesemortalsbe



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 23:08:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11262939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foolsthesemortalsbe/pseuds/foolsthesemortalsbe
Summary: Magnus tells Alec about what happened to his mother





	What Happened

**Author's Note:**

> based on [this text post](http://magnusandalexander.tumblr.com/post/162059131341/i-just-thought-about-it-that-when-magnus-tells) by [magnusandalexander on tumblr](http://magnusandalexander.tumblr.com/) bc i saw it and wanted to write it

Magnus felt the tears in his eyes but refused to let them fall. The air in the room suddenly felt heavier, and the tension settled firmly on Magnus’ shoulders.

“Magnus,” Alec said softly, searching Magnus’ face. “I don’t….”

Magnus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “It was a long time ago,” he said softly. He’d told people before, about why his mother had killed herself. But before, he had managed to divorce himself from the event, feeling a sadness akin to the kind felt by strangers, as if it had happened to someone else.

“I’m sorry,” Alec finally said, even though Magnus hadn’t said anything yet.

Magnus managed a small smile, feeling Alec’s hand move from his hand to his arm. It had been a long night, telling Alec about his past. It had been hard too, reliving everything he had been through.

Now there was just one thing left to tell.

“It took her a while, my mother, to finally understand what my cat eyes meant,” Magnus said, opening his eyes again. He let his glamour drop and he could see Alec’s expression change. “She couldn’t…” Magnus took a breath and shook his head, glancing away. “She couldn’t live with herself, knowing she’d brought the child of a demon into the world.”

Magnus’ gaze traveled to his study, where he knew the knife sat in its case.  He could never decide why he’d kept it. Maybe to remind him of her. Maybe as a reminder of what he was. Maybe as a reminder of what he _wasn’t_.

“She took her own life,” Magnus said quietly. He glanced back over at Alec.

Alec had been quiet through most of their talk, not pressing for information, not offering commentary, just letting Magnus say what he needed to say. He sat the same way now, quiet and patient, prepared to accept whatever Magnus was willing to tell him.

It took Magnus a moment to realize the reason for the way Alec was looking at him, and he quickly replaced the glamour on his eyes and looked down at his hands. When things were bad like this, when his memories were so raw on the surface, he couldn’t stand to acknowledge his mark and to be reminded that it was the reason his mother had left him.

When Alec’s free hand cupped the side of his face, Magnus leaned into the touch, letting himself be comforted.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Alec said. He sounded so _sure_. “An accident of birth isn’t your fault.”

Magnus’ jaw tightened, and he felt a tear slide down his cheek, felt Alec’s thumb swipe it away. He almost whimpered when he felt Alec’s forehead touch his and he could feel Alec’s breath puff softly against his lips. “I know,” he managed. He sucked in a breath, closed his eyes, trying and failing to steady himself. “But it hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, kissing the corners of Magnus’ eyes and his eyelids. “I’m sorry you’ve had to relive that.”

Magnus’ breath was coming quicker and he could feel the tears stinging behind his eyes. He gripped Alec’s arm.

Alec paused, his nose bumping Magnus’. “Your eyes are beautiful.”

Magnus choked back a sob even as his eyes flew open and he stared into Alec’s. “What?”

“Your mark,” Alec said, as if it needed to be clarified. “Your cat eyes. They’re beautiful.”

Magnus sat in stunned disbelief for half a second before he felt the tears well up in his eyes and spill onto his cheeks. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had said that to him with the open sincerity he saw in Alec’s eyes.

Magnus wanted to thank him, wanted to say something to diffuse the maelstrom of emotions in his chest, but he couldn’t get a word out. Instead, he closed his eyes and leaned into Alec, nuzzling his face against Alec’s shoulder while he held him.

“It hurts,” Magnus managed. Alec’s grip on him tightened, and he preferred that to anything Alec could have said.

**Author's Note:**

> [rebloggable version](https://immafool.tumblr.com/post/162073552070/i-saw-this-post-by-magnusandalexander-and-felt)/[come talk to me \o/](https://immafool.tumblr.com/ask)


End file.
